an "ah - Ha" moment

I was talking the other day with a friend (Cousin) about how parenting seems to be a whole new ball game when children go off to Kindergarten [and beyond... gulp!] We felt we had "100% parental control" when our children were/are Pre-school age... they were/are usually within arms reach.

I mentioned the other night that our foster care class taught on parenting. It was GREAT! And it was Mainly, about how to teach our children self discipline, especially the ability to problem solve and be aware of the result of their choices.

Well, John and I had a big "ah HA!" moment during this class! [This may be something everyone else is already doing? Especially Teachers?...] ha!

One of the speakers told a story about his daughter, who was 3 at the time. We'll call the daughter, Kara and the dad, Garry. Garry was letting Kara play unsupervised at 9 pm. Garry knew this was not ideal in the first place. [note: He is a child psychologist, ha!] Kara walked into the living room holding an armful of oreo's! In that moment, Garry realized that he had never told Kara to make a choice for herself - in her whole life! Garry told Kara: "You may choose to keep one cookie and put the rest back! OR You may choose to put all of the cookies back!" Thus, fully expecting his daughter to make 1 of 2 choices. Kara stood there for a moment and her eyes rolled high as if to try and look into her brain, Garry said. [LOL!] Kara then took her cookie collection back into the kitchen... AND, returned with just one! [copy write: Garry L. Landreth, Ph.D.]

Garry calls this his oreo cookie theory. And he claims it works on all ages as long as the parents always follow through, of course. And, the consequences [in the moment] can be called just that; giving the parent an extra few seconds [or hours] to think of one.

In just 48 hours we've seen some great quick obedience with our girls by following the oreo cookie theory.

For Sadie, we currently have a reward chart, too. It's just a plane piece of paper labeled "kindness & quick obedience". When I cover the whole thing with 'X's' Sadie earns an outfit for her build-a-bear! She's almost halfway in just a week! *warning* She does try to tell me when she's obeying so she can get an 'X' and we've just started implementing that from now on 'only mom or dad can give her an 'X' sometimes and that when she catches herself doing the right thing she can be happy knowing that she'll grow up to be a person who does the right thing even without a reward because that's what matters most to God'.

For Lauren, the oreo cookie theory has quite possibly saved what was becoming a big get-out-of-bed-at-bedtime mess. In just 48 hours, she stays. in. bed. WOW.

One final thought that this speaker shared was on the topic of transparency. In short, he told a story about his daughter [again] at age 5. One afternoon he yelled at her and they accomplished nothing. That night, at bedtime he told her that he was sorry. He went on to say that when he apologized their relationship was restored. As it was broken "over" before the apology. So powerful...

I thought I'd share this just incase it may help you, too?

Happy Memorial Weekend!!!