Sunday, July 26, 2009

mercy and goodness

Hold Fast
by Mercy Me

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes

This song has been in my head all day. John and I thoroughly enjoyed the message at church this morning! It was all about not letting trials consume us, taking in all that is to enjoy in the now, and to persevere!


Stellan, pictured bellow needs prayer. He is facing a life threatening trial... you can click on the picture to read more.

Prayers for Stellan

Quick kiddo update:


Six days and 2,200 miles traveled. Sadie, John and I thoroughly enjoyed our time covering 6 different states. Three of which we found to be scenic. Our favorite part was our one night camping as well as visiting family! Enjoy these highlights!

Garden of the Gods.

Playing Scrabble with cousin's!

Sightseeing in CO with John's cousins!

Buffalo at Custer State Park.

Cozy as a bug on a rug! (Temps hit the low 40's the night before!)

The creek behind our site. (You can see our red tent if you look carefully.)

Our campsite at Custer State Park!

Badlands in SD.

It was so fun to climb this "mountain"!

Dad and Sadie the Explorer!

Sadie at the prairie dog park in SD.

Posing with the creepy statue at the prairie dog park.

Prayers for Stellan

Monday, July 13, 2009

football field fun

These pictures were taken at dusk. The sunset was shining right on this hill. I had to bring my camera! Above this hill was the highschool football field.

Sadie loved running and following her very fast crawling sister.

Lauren crawled down the hill about 27 times! LOL. She got up some good speed. She is fearless.

John ran a lap around the football field. And then played with the girls in the grass!

Prayers for Stellan

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sadie and Lauren

Two peas in a pod. Ur, um... two sweet sisters sitting in the jungle we call our backyard. Yes, the grass is really that long. Our backyard is tiny and filled with 3 large trees. It needs to be mowed, really bad.

These two are precious. They are starting to play together. Sadie is such a great 4-year-old "little mommy". And Lauren is a sweet yet feisty 11-month-old with places to go and things to do. I think Lauren may take her first step soon! Sometimes, I almost [I do] cry out of happiness that Sadie has a sister. That we have a Lauren. And that Lauren has a Sadie. Love all around.

Prayers for Stellan

beauty from ashes

I've had a few things rolling around in my head and heart, today. So, if you would like to hear about them. Please pull up a chair, perhaps grab a cup of coffee or warm tea before you dive in with me.

Topic # 1.

Out of no where, [last night] I sat and cried, I was hit once again, by the loss of John and I's first miscarried baby. John and I were laying in bed. I was telling him how I have such an itch to get pregnant again. We both agreed that we should wait to 'try again' at least until Christmas time, for a number of reasons. Then, I lay there in John's arms and just sobbed. Why? I thought. Because, it hit me that Sadie was 11 months old when we lost our precious 'baby #2' to miscarriage at almost 8 weeks pregnant. It was May 25, 2006. Lauren is now just about 11 months old. That same age. That hit me, I just sobbed and squeaked out... "I really wanted that baby". Of course, we both did. And for some reason I just really needed to make that clear again. Grief is a strange phenomenon.

We miscarried during our second pregnancy, a baby who we named 'David' (which means Beloved, and is also John's middle name).

Then, fast forward to July 25, 2007. We loose our third baby to an early miscarriage. I was almost 6 weeks pregnant. We named this baby 'Grace'. Because this baby taught me the true meaning of grace (another meaning of the word: endurance).

Then, I believe you all know the wonderful next part... Pregnancy #4: Lauren Faith House. Girl. Born alive and well on August, 16th 2008. PRAISE God!

I realized tonight that I wasn't remembering the miscarriages as two separate events. Over time, I have lumped the two events together. It hit me last night that no one knew them (here on earth) or has really acknowledged them (that I know of) since a year or so ago. Now, I don't expect others to recall this. But, as these precious babies' Mama I had an overwhelming urge to remember them last night. Both of them. And so, that is what John and I did. And that was enough. :)

The next part to my story.

The victory that God has brought from this tragedy:

Topic #2.

As of about 6 months ago, John and I are in agreement to adopt one or two older children from Foster Care in the future. I know God will bring us the right children... we're thinking around the age of 5... when our biological children are all about averaging at this age as well. But, God will work it out. The timing. The child(ren). Their age(s). I'm realizing the whole nature of adoption is very unpredictable. [Unpredictable events = more stretching for me.] John and I both agreed the other day that 5 may be our number [of children] when it's all said and done. I love the "blank slate" that life so often is.

As a couple, I know this desire stemmed from our own losses. We desire to give the gift of a loving, goofy, quirky, Godly family to a child or two who may very well never get that chance as they will be older and in the Foster Care system.

You can view pictures of US waiting children at (copy and paste in your search bar).

[we're not 100% sure we'll adopt from the US, but we are leaning in that direction.]

I already like to think that our babies in heaven are looking down and smiling at us, as we someday welcome an adopted child(ren) in their honor. I already smile at the thought of our [many] children coming home for christmas with their babies... Long after the strain and struggle of adjusting, blending together and earning their trust. As you probably already know, I love to hit the "fast forward" button and day dream every so often.

This past month I have been reading [online] every article about older child adoption, adoption in general and childhood grief I can find. I'm also reading a book titled; "20 things I wish my parent's would have known before they adopted me". This is an amazing, extremely detailed book. Just up my alley to provoke endless deep thoughts. :)

I have always told John if I have a piece of paper that says a child is mine, they will be mine in every meaning of the word. I am so glad to share that John now shares this same thought with me. I've always wanted to adopt, now my dear husband does too. Amazing how God brings back heart desires to bloom in their right season.

I can see how events that have taken place in these past few years [several hard things...] are stretching me and forcing me to handle more. Get more organized. More self sufficient, and multi-task more efficiently. So, my prayer tonight, is something like this:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for toughening me up. Thank you for challenging me, and for carefully watching me, while I "take my first step". Thank you for letting me question you. Thank you for allowing me to fail. Thank you for meeting me where I am at, and teaching me. Thank you for bringing beauty from ashes. Thank you for growing in me a desire to embrace the dreams you've put in my heart.


The link bellow will bring you to a story of a sweet little girl who needs a miracle. Sadie and I have prayed for her. I believe with them, that God is going to show Himself faithful to many through this. I found out about her through a well known blog. This family also posted a video of their story on YouTube. They have over 30,000 hits on their caring bridge site so far. (copy and paste to your search bar).

Prayers for Stellan

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Sadie's new do

Here is Miss Sadie. With her new do! What inspired the chop? Lately, I have noticed this darling haircut on several other little girls and I really thought it would accentuate Sadie's face shape and cause her eyes to stand out more. Sure enough! With extra cash leftover from last week, I brought Sadie to 'Kids Hair' which is a fun salon in Maple Grove designed just for kids. They even have a TV at each station. Shrek ll was playing. Sadie sat like an angel. This was much different than her first hair cut experience.


I bet you're wondering did she take these pictures while sitting on the toilet?? Yes... but, no. [LOL] No, not while using the pot. Sadie and I were doing our bedtime routine. Potty and brush teeth. [Yes I take my turn too]. ha!

I'm sure that I am not the only mom who notices an everyday event like; their sweet four-year-old girl wearing her adorable sun-dress, sporting a new sassy haircut, sitting on the bathroom vanity, while waiting to have her teeth brushed, as a picture perfect moment... I am convinced these pictures will be of far more value than the posed and "perfect" ones.

This bedtime routine seems so ritualistic and unimportant now, but then I stop and realize that I'll wake up one day and wish that I could barely brush my teeth for need of answering yet another high-speed-question-and-answer-session. And I'll never forget the sweet little voice of a four-year-old Sadie cheering me on as I use the big girl potty.

Prayers for Stellan


The priceless memories continued this year up north at my grandparent's cabin near Hackensack (about 3 hours north of the cities). Time almost stops as we forgot what time it was and embraced the simplicity. Beach. Swimming. Fishing. Boating. Ok, so we let some technology slip in just a few times... we went to see the new Ice age movie [Sadie's first movie in a Theater!] as well as hop online at the coffee shop with wifi. :)

Enjoy the highlights!

Prayers for Stellan