the best gift.

"The night before Christmas" by Brandon Heath

Empty manger, perfect stranger, about to be born.
Into darkness, sadness, desperate madness, creation so torn.
We were so lost on earth, no peace, no worth.
no way to escape.
In fear, no faith, no hope, no grace ,and no light
but that was the night before Christmas.
Warm hay, cold sweat, a mother, not yet.
Praying godspeed the dawn.
She looks to her man, holding her hand. They wonder how long.
And the shepherds, wise men come to find them, and bow to a king.
One star above shining on love, so bright it lit up the night before Christmas.

CHORUS:
And the world didnt know mercy was meek and so mild.
And the world didnt know that truth was as pure as a child.
The night before Christmas.
The night before Christmas.
And the world didnt know, redemption was sweet and so strong. And the world didnt know salvation was writing a song.
The night before christmas.
The night before christmas.
The night before christmas.
Empty manger, perfect stranger, about to be born.

oh, baby.

Miss lauren Faith is now 15 months old, and about to walk on her own... any day, now!

She loves taking care of her babies. By feeding them, hugging them and pushing them in the stroller.

And she also loves to do *everything* that her big sister does. [Including giving her hugs!]

And. Hello!!!!! Sibling rivalry!!!!!! BUT. Still very sweet to see them interact!

Oh, and I can't get enough of her little leggies and feeties! ;)

steadfast

It was a press, a stretch, and a real strain to find contentment today.

You know, that time during a trial when you start to see a glimmer, a guess, or a hint as to what the solution may be?

That's where I was at today.

I wondered.

And pondered.

[While I wiped a mystery particle off of my baby's face. And then opened the fridge to fetch her bottle.]

Do I breath deep and simply slump down in my chair, go through the motions, fill time or check-out?

It's very tempting. And I'd be lying if I said I never did.

Is there more to do, learn or find, I ask?

These thoughts led to more questions.

Do I try too hard?

Am I 100% present?

Do I compare and compete?

What does putting my hope in God really look like?

As I sit here and reflect.

I think of a classic Dr. Seuss Book: Horton Hatches the Egg. [One of Sadie's favorites!]



Throughout the story Horton tends to an abandoned egg, and is met by challenge after challenge.

Horton the Elephant always replied:

"I meant what I said

and I said what I meant...

an elephant's faithful

one hundred per cect!"


Webster defines it:

Main Entry: stead·fast
Pronunciation: \ˈsted-ˌfast also -fəst\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English stedefast, from Old English stedefæst, from stede + fæst fixed, fast
Date: before 12th century
1 a : firmly fixed in place : immovable b : not subject to change
2 : firm in belief, determination, or adherence : loyal
synonyms see faithful
— stead·fast·ly adverb
— stead·fast·ness \-ˌfas(t)-nəs, -fəs(t)-\ noun

So, I'm thinking.

It's more about my heart motive and my attitude than *even* the task at hand.

trust

Psalm 16 (The Message Bible)

1-2 Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you.
I say to God, "Be my Lord!"
Without you, nothing makes sense.

3 And these God-chosen lives all around—
what splendid friends they make!

4 Don't just go shopping for a god.
Gods are not for sale.
I swear I'll never treat god-names
like brand-names.

5-6 My choice is you, God, first and only.
And now I find I'm your choice!
You set me up with a house and yard.
And then you made me your heir!

7-8 The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart.
Day and night I'll stick with God;
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go.

9-10 I'm happy from the inside out,
and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.
You canceled my ticket to hell—
that's not my destination!

11 Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.







I love pictures.

I look at these random moments and realize that these pieces of time with loved one's are all that matters. Besides God, and His Love.

There is a verse that reads something like this: "Better is one day in Your house, than thousands elsewhere." [Better to spend one day in God's saving Grace and Love, than walk through life without it... in other words; I realize that success will reveal itself as empty outside of God's Love for me, and those around me. Wow.]

Now that I am in the middle of a hard time, I sit here and type, and I actually find myself thankful for what God is exposing to me and 'peeling away' from me. I wish this hard time would just vanish, but then again it's IN this hard time that I once again find God to be my closest, faithful friend.

I'm so thankful for friends who are willing to help me. I love hearing how others survived hard times, what they find difficult and that they are not perfect either. Validation and transparency are so priceless, aren't they?!

I find hope in knowing that God will help me through, and that I can help someone else in return.

How beautiful.

transparency

It was Bedtime.

9:04 pm.

Sadie: "Will you rub my back?"

Me: "Sure."

[silence].

Me: "I love your Daddy, I'm sorry you had to see us fight tonight, Mommy was wrong to not use my manners with Daddy."

Sadie: "Do you and Daddy always love me? I will keep making good choices."

Me: "Oh, Sadie, Mommy and Daddy love you no matter what kind of choices you make. Both Mommy and Daddy always love you, no matter what. Sometimes, Mommy's and Daddy's make poor choices and we need forgiveness."

Me: "Will you forgive me?"

Sadie: "Yes, I do."

Sadie: "Will God come back now?"

[my heart suddenly clogged my throat!]

I said: "Oh Hunny, God is always with us. He loves us no matter what we do."

Sadie: "Ok!"



As I sit here and write this at 12:30 AM. I am still processing this monumental moment with my very-aware-precious-four-year-old daughter. I am humbled once again, that God trusts me to raise my two children. Really. It hits me like a truck sometimes!!!

I wish now, that I would have explained more about the beauty of forgiveness and unconditional love, and of course NOT argued with my husband.

But, the truth is, I sin.

And perfection is unattainable.

I rest in knowing that I was transparent.

And I pray that I remember the way God spoke to me through my preschooler.

I hope as a parent that I create an atmosphere that allows room for failure, so that my children (and me and my husband!) can operate in God's endless mercy and grace and be sharpened as a result.

Sadie went on with our conversation in the most happy and forgiving way (not holding onto one ounce of anger towards me). Sadie asked how God made the earth. Then, that turned into me telling Sadie that 'God made flowers just to see you smile'.

wow.

I am reminded once again, that this is the way my Heavenly Father wants to relate to me.

little artist

applesauce + flour + food coloring = homemade non-toxic thick paint! :)

Sadie had a blast mixing blue, red and yellow as she created her masterpiece!

A million ways...

...to wear a headband.