tears

At this moment, I have more swirling in my head than I could ever put into words on this white screen. I think that if some thoughts became words and hit 'paper' they'd lose their original intent.

Earlier tonight, I pondered writing a post about how I've saved about $150 these past two months by using coupons from: The Sunday paper, Target mailers, Cubs in-store add and The Happenings Book. And, how I've bought what was not a match for more than a few intended coupons - shoot!

Or, perhaps an update about homeschooling with Sadie: How I've been blessed with the oportunity to watch her eyes light up as she sounds out words, adds m&m's and discovers how love wins! Like in the bible story of Ruth and Naomi. And, how I've pulled my hair out [at times] regretting taking on this huge commitment.

I also considered sharing a brief book review about Francine Rivers' story of Ruth [it's absolutely amazing] which I'm currently reading...

But.

Tonight, I am a "quiet waters run deep" sort of gal, who wears her heart on her sleeve. Sometimes to a fault.

Especially when it comes to this digital memory catcher I call: //wethehouses.blogspot//

So, I want to share a moment in time with my very tender-hearted 5-year-old [as well as remember John and I's 5th 'little baby' who lives in heaven.]

At bedtime:

Sadie: "Be-member (Remember) like 100 weeks ago when you had the baby in your tummy?" "I was so ub-cited (excited)."

Jen: "Yes, sweetie." "I Remember."

Sadie: "Why did that baby die?"

Jen: "We don't know." "The doctor didn't know." "Sad things happen sometimes."

Sadie: "Is your tummy still puffy?" Is the baby still in your tummy?"

Jen: "No, the baby is alive and happy and playing in Heaven with God and Uncle Dennis."

Sadie: "I wish I could've got to hold him."

Jen: "Me, too."

[hugs, tears.]

Sadie: "I'm gonna ask God to put another baby in your tummy."

Jen: "Well, God has a plan for how He'll bring the next child to our family."

Sadie: [grin.] *she's been praying for a little brother since her little sister was born.

Jen: "He might not be a tiny baby." "He will probably be a little bigger than Nini is right now." "But, he will be the right brother for our family."

[shared smiles through hugs and tears.]

I went on to tell Sadie about when I was 14 and visited children at an orphanage in Mexico, with Teen Mania Missions. The children rushed up against the side of our [parked] bus like a wave. Each child was smiling ear-to-ear and had both their hands high in the air - flashing the universal 'I love you' sign! I'm sure that is one of the most beautiful sights I have and will ever see.

I think of those children tonight. And their ability to believe the best [Gods love and grace in action] in the midst of their pain.

Years later the memory still brings me hope.

Somewhere out there is a seemingly hopeless situation.

[God placed it on John and I's heart to adopt.]

It's exciting to think that God will use our familys' loss and another childs' loss to write a new story for all of us.

"Our tears are sacred. They water the ground around our feet so that new things can grow." -Rob Bell