perception

Before I was a Mother.

I spent much of my early childhood mothering dolls, and playing house. As a young adult, I read many parenting books and I worked with children. Actually, I have been around children most of my life. My Mom did in-home-daycare. I baby-sat often. Into my early twenties I was a Nanny, I worked at a daycare, and a Pre-Kindergarden. Then! My husband and I got pregnant! I was thrilled as I anticipated the fact that I was fully prepared with the best tools to be a great mother.

My child would never whine excessively, throw fits, or yell. I would always know how to discipline like a pro with my acquired skills. This is really what I thought as I walked the halls [with my large pregnant belly in tow] at the preschool where I worked. I was 23, and BOY, did God have a wake-up call coming for me!

I'm so glad He did.

With each new season God has for me, I've learned that God reveals new area's I need to grow in. I found that the beauty of parenthood is really the sharpening of self. Myself. [Of course, not that we ever reach perfection in ourselves or our children.]

In the pre-school classroom: I spent 8 hours, 5 days per week sowing into precious children's lives. I disciplined with skills I had been taught from teachers more experienced than myself. I was able to devote 100% of my attention to those precious little faces. At the end of the day I put my papers in the drawer, sprayed the tables, stacked chairs, turned off the light and locked the door. Done.

Then I got into my car, and went on with my personal life.

It's not this cut and dry anymore. I must tend to personal matters and often 'round-the-clock care for both our girls. God turned up the intensity. And it's beautiful! Really. At times, intensely difficult, but often simultaneously intensely beautiful and rich. Prayer has become like air, a matter of life and death. A necessity.

I have been humbled time and time, again. I now know that love covers a multitude of my wrongs. I've learned to be transparent, validate my daughter's questioning and respectfully ask for my daughters forgiveness when I wrong her.

I learn as I go. I strive every day to be consistent. I do put to good use many great discipline techniques. But, for the most part, I find my confidence in knowing that I won't reach perfection. Rather, God will be the Great in me.

God has sharpened me more than I was a year ago. I find rest in knowing that ultimately My girls belong to Him. And what an honor that He trusts me to raise them.

My blogging friend wrote this great post: http://mommymonkeyblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/you-go-mama.html

"Intense love does not measure, it just gives."
~ Mother Teresa